something that has been bothering me recently is that you seem to be different. for some reason, youre like a completely new person. now, i dont know if its just now something im starting to notice, something thats been there all along; or if you really did change into something unpleasant... i hope its the former, but really i hope its neither, that im just delusional or tired or pissed off or something, because i wouldnt be happy if either were true.
but, then again, why does it matter?
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theres this fucking huge disconnect that people have from reality. its like everybody is acting in such a phony and calculating manner that they dont have time to live, and to realize whats happening... looking through photos makes me think about when and under what circumstances they were taken, and i notice that usually im not there for the picture, but for the moment. sounds like a god damn cliché, but its true, i promise.
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it is rather late. well, not really, but apparently im about as fucking tired as i can get, yet im still not asleep. i feel like a two faced bastard when i talk to her, cause i cant make up my god damn mind about, well, anything. i want these people to disappear, but at the same time i know i would have a very difficult time getting by without them. the scars that have built up over the years, the assumptions, all that crap.. i cant understand how anyone turns out alright.
build a wall, i suppose.
i dont have any god damn bricks.
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oh wells..
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