distance

a current sweeps me away, a current of people, a current of thoughts, emotions, all intertwined with each other, none of which should make the slightest difference to me in my daily life.
and they dont, for the most part..

well, no, that's a lie.

when i think about it for too long, i start to realize that my brain feels like it is full of grime and dirt, things that cannot be washed away, as if a clever child, equipped with some kind of truly permanent marker, decided to scribble things all over the walls of my mind...... what?

shit i got lost in my own simile.
anyway.
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distance is key
well, not just any key
distance is practically THE key
to an apparently happier life.



ok fuck that, i just saw something that made me feel like a complete idiot.

ferget it bro

see you around, in eider dawn, at the end of the tunnel, through the door, on the other side.
or right here.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

"brother you don't need to turn me away"

restrictions/restricted

stuck inside a limbo
the never ending gasp
the fallow lips of life meet the harsh sting of reality

left inside my veins
to grow and develop into life
then to travel to my heart where the process is completed

i feel trapped beneath a
beautiful layer of ice on top a creek
the puzzling surface, so light, fragile, yet constricting and scalding

starting over, not a difficult task
yet for some reason taken to the extreme
you need not apologize, or make sense for once because
that would defeat its own purpose
a “c” and a colon, is all it takes to make today seem brighter
as if the old pg pulled up in his own private sun
a false pretense
a piece of paper
a drink
laminar flow, the two words that enter my mind every time
no matter what you tell yourself, it will always be you who’s getting used

sting and love
were you erring on the side of caution?
when i make it up, and even though the future reflects itself
i have no mirror to communicate
to another man

reality melts into shapes
that do not exist in conventional geometry
the spirit leaves the atmosphere above and around
and to cut the heart, to let loneliness leave you be

it seems to make the soul happier when mine is around
and all of mine will always feel the glow within the soul
yet the other one is getting priority over all of mine and it will not let mine sleep
well, it will, but the sleep will be restless
self defeating
as is everything these days

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so yes, i pulled a total dumbass move today. apparently i went to get coffee with my newly adopted sister under false pretenses.

oops.

well, at least it wasnt a huge deal, just got one of those speeches. but it wasnt that bad, my parents make me happy, they are really great about stuff like that.

even though when i went to get coffee, i never thought id be getting tea instead.

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im going to see mgmt in november, im psyched.

destrokk has the best video on the face of the planet ;D

redirect

stormy ocean water and the name of your love
started up my engine and became a white dove
over it and lost again
distracted cause youre under him

when the ethereal fist hits the smallest part
and the lifeless crystal river floats me back
to sea
to see
again

your face turns sour
and the irony thats left
turns into a flower
with the insulting speed of theft

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a few months down the road, who knows what could happen? but if the tragedy does hit, i wont put myself so low as to remain to clean up the results.. if thats what is expected of me, then forget it.

kill me, you know you want to

your heart is under my tongue

something that has been bothering me recently is that you seem to be different. for some reason, youre like a completely new person. now, i dont know if its just now something im starting to notice, something thats been there all along; or if you really did change into something unpleasant... i hope its the former, but really i hope its neither, that im just delusional or tired or pissed off or something, because i wouldnt be happy if either were true.

but, then again, why does it matter?

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theres this fucking huge disconnect that people have from reality. its like everybody is acting in such a phony and calculating manner that they dont have time to live, and to realize whats happening... looking through photos makes me think about when and under what circumstances they were taken, and i notice that usually im not there for the picture, but for the moment. sounds like a god damn cliché, but its true, i promise.

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it is rather late. well, not really, but apparently im about as fucking tired as i can get, yet im still not asleep. i feel like a two faced bastard when i talk to her, cause i cant make up my god damn mind about, well, anything. i want these people to disappear, but at the same time i know i would have a very difficult time getting by without them. the scars that have built up over the years, the assumptions, all that crap.. i cant understand how anyone turns out alright.

build a wall, i suppose.

i dont have any god damn bricks.

-

oh wells..

welcome home, asshole

thank you. im glad to be back. and the one thing i was looking forward to the most has left me just as i return.

too bad i didnt know this would happen, or i would have probably stayed there for a lot longer. oh well.. its life and it goes on, even though an important part of it is no longer there. and, quite ironically, thats the one thing we said we wouldnt let happen. i guess when you start getting pissed off at someone for something thats not even remotely their fault, things get slightly out of hand.

and no, you dont "love me way too much"

sorry for being an asshole to you and starting to date someone while you were gone for a month...

oh, wait..

so close and even farther away

i want nothing with this
i just need to think
what i want and what i please
wont keep me in the ring

someone listens to me
they jump to help me out
but no one's ever told me, oh
just what it's all about

the wind has lost its power now you dont know what to do
the motor chokes, and i do too, and all that thanks to you
we got the strength and we got the time
stupid little fights and wasted rhyme

when the sun rose i was tired, i was fried
but then my thoughts overwhelmed me
cause i thought that i had tried
lost, and found, then torn up into pieces
sold off to all the little kids
who never could handle things like this

held up by the sturdy beams that will not ever crack
focused on the irony
and tired paper stack
im free to be as angry as i seem
tell yourself its not your fault
but you dont know what that means

you might forget yourself and i can live with that
your face is upside down and your actions defy math
but walking in without closing the door?
part of me wants you under the floor

take me in and dry the rain

half an hour till midnight.. it doesnt seem that late at all. i kinda feel like its the middle of the day, except its dark outside... i mean, the difference between midnight and midday is only 12 hours. i wonder what everything is like back home. i wonder if i will even be able to get a hold of you.. i hope so.

shes an angel, really. if there was one reason for me to stay somewhere for ever, it would be she.. this is what my face looks like just thinking about all this --> :D

hahaha, that would be fantastic.

anyway... wonderment aside, i really had a good time here. it always feel like its going to be such a long time when you first arrive, but then about half way you start to realize how fuckin fast its going.

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and unfortunately, no matter what our mind might think, time doesnt in fact run faster.
things still manage to screw up.

i need a drill now, i suppose. i thought i wanted answers, but now i really just want a signal, some sort of confirmation that we will in fact start something. something that is genuine, because youre too wonderful to waste like that. i need you now, or at least i really want you, and right here next to me would be fantastic.
too bad your phone is broken, cause you would be receiving a call from someone at around 7pm tomorrow.

but, alas, as with everything else, all i can say is

oh well.