welcome home, asshole

thank you. im glad to be back. and the one thing i was looking forward to the most has left me just as i return.

too bad i didnt know this would happen, or i would have probably stayed there for a lot longer. oh well.. its life and it goes on, even though an important part of it is no longer there. and, quite ironically, thats the one thing we said we wouldnt let happen. i guess when you start getting pissed off at someone for something thats not even remotely their fault, things get slightly out of hand.

and no, you dont "love me way too much"

sorry for being an asshole to you and starting to date someone while you were gone for a month...

oh, wait..

so close and even farther away

i want nothing with this
i just need to think
what i want and what i please
wont keep me in the ring

someone listens to me
they jump to help me out
but no one's ever told me, oh
just what it's all about

the wind has lost its power now you dont know what to do
the motor chokes, and i do too, and all that thanks to you
we got the strength and we got the time
stupid little fights and wasted rhyme

when the sun rose i was tired, i was fried
but then my thoughts overwhelmed me
cause i thought that i had tried
lost, and found, then torn up into pieces
sold off to all the little kids
who never could handle things like this

held up by the sturdy beams that will not ever crack
focused on the irony
and tired paper stack
im free to be as angry as i seem
tell yourself its not your fault
but you dont know what that means

you might forget yourself and i can live with that
your face is upside down and your actions defy math
but walking in without closing the door?
part of me wants you under the floor

take me in and dry the rain

half an hour till midnight.. it doesnt seem that late at all. i kinda feel like its the middle of the day, except its dark outside... i mean, the difference between midnight and midday is only 12 hours. i wonder what everything is like back home. i wonder if i will even be able to get a hold of you.. i hope so.

shes an angel, really. if there was one reason for me to stay somewhere for ever, it would be she.. this is what my face looks like just thinking about all this --> :D

hahaha, that would be fantastic.

anyway... wonderment aside, i really had a good time here. it always feel like its going to be such a long time when you first arrive, but then about half way you start to realize how fuckin fast its going.

------------------------------

and unfortunately, no matter what our mind might think, time doesnt in fact run faster.
things still manage to screw up.

i need a drill now, i suppose. i thought i wanted answers, but now i really just want a signal, some sort of confirmation that we will in fact start something. something that is genuine, because youre too wonderful to waste like that. i need you now, or at least i really want you, and right here next to me would be fantastic.
too bad your phone is broken, cause you would be receiving a call from someone at around 7pm tomorrow.

but, alas, as with everything else, all i can say is

oh well.

grass. oh, so much grass

well... tooday was an odd day. im a bit down, but my mind feels liberated, once again. and no thanks to anything, really. first half, great; second half, not so great, and im tired, but you know.. i dont really care.

tomorrow at 2 pm gmt-1. that is the time that hands itself to me and pulls me in.. when i walk through the gate. or, in other words, the time my flight leaves, or something thereabouts. im excited, although i wouldnt mind staying here a little bit longer. i got used to it and im happy here as well.

im not gonna think about what i have been thinking about recently.

--------------

there's a reason i don't win, i don't know how to begin

and that's all folks.

animatorpoeia

what was here is not here anymore
the right to wage a million dollar war
while walking in the daytime through a morgue
what we might want or need and what's in store

leaving me like that, it isn't very nice
killing someone's a sure way to break the ice
when we float on by we sing our hymnals slow

mentally and physically im strong
accused of something that i cant affect
your bible is all hollowed out to store
all of your seeds of life and stark white wrong

your diction is mysterious your eyes an open book
thank my god for will and all the time it took
a climb is not too hard when youre not used to flat ground
stupid little kids they never understand it
the sidewalk burns when i am full of madness
then it ends and i will fall forever on

priceless is the face thats on my shirt
a mirror that reflects and nothing else
were we all alone when we first met
or was it a trap
was it a trap

if i know what ive been told
take a bullet to the soul
the soul of endings that begin
we are sorry to pull you in

if i know what ive been told
took a bullet in my soul
party on and when youre thin
i am happy to do you in

-----

helloo

why not?

im jealous of all the people i see that have had a month of nothing but happiness.. i envy those whose lives arent virtually falling apart, those who havent had a month of separation that has apparently ruined everything they have worked for over the past few months. and why shouldnt it bother me? im not blaming them for my problems or anything. im happy for them.

im a broken record, i keep talking about the same thing.
but why not?
come and interrupt my tape loop, reset the cd player, and start me over, cause i want to be done with this. i hope that when i return, the commercial break will be over, finally. we can go back to normal. for now, you can ignore me all you want.

----------

the thing i would want the least, though, is for you, in the end, to come off as a hypocrite. really, for your sake, i would be careful. because the same things that you were wary of with me at first are the same things that are now disrupting our "relationship" to a great degree. i apologize to the kid before me for, to him, being the kid after me. just cause it's you, calliope, doesnt mean you get a free pass.

sharp on the edges

i made a promise, once a long time ago, or, a relatively long time ago. before i knew you were so broken as to be manipulated so easily while knowing what youre doing is wrong. the things you are telling him now are what you have been telling me all along. and if you really care for me as much as you say, if you care for me so much more than him, why is it that i feel that youve just completely exited my life? your recent writing makes me feel like i have been blind.. its just so obvious. if you have the right to do this, i have the same right. just be glad i havent exercised this yet. actually, you probably couldnt care less. only one thing left to say..

go and fucking drown in your self-pity.