turns out the only thing that can calm me down isnt a cigarette or a few fat bowls. i have writing of course. which is why ive been writing maniacally for the past 30 minutes.
my dad wants to have a bonfire for all my friends to come over and have a good ol time. i love my friends, but im afraid if i invite them all over, a huge fight will break out over some nonsense.. thats why i love my friends ;)
im shaking. not cause of nicotine withdrawal or whatever, just cause im really fucked up on my own condition right now. which makes me sad in a way. however self pity is a boring topic, so lets switch to something else.
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you know how people binge-eat or binge-drink?? well fuck them, im binge writing. hahahhaha saying that makes me feel really stupid and sound pretensious.
my mental muscle is getting stronger, im glad the brain isnt a muscle and that thoughts dont produce lactic acid, because the pain of that would SUCK.
why does this bother me more than it should? or am i perhaps setting my standards too low?
or, on the flip side, am i setting them too high? sure seems like it from my vantage point. your kind of behavior is BO-RING.
and yet i still miss you with my whole body..
go to hell jake.
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